Less Than Lusty...

Less than lusty...the energy baring my patience. Pulling emotional sustenance and a sense of security from where ever I can find it. Issues long resolved, or so I thought, coming to the surface. Leaving me perplexed and upset. Events out of my control putting pressure on me. I hope that all this drama will serve me well in the future by building blocks to a more solid foundation. Simmering beneath this surface, coming to light, those things which no longer work in my life. The possession of deeply ingrained self-defeating attitudes, never understood that and never will. I will separate myself from that at any cost. It's understandable to refuse anyone to take advantage of a good nature and big heart. In doing so protecting the desire to keep the peace can leave us feeling very vulnerable. Problems are never more important than your peace of mind. Clear understandings established in relationships are worthless if they don't serve everyone well. Most would not upset the balance of things in their surroundings or push it on their relationships. What does that mean? We reconfirm old patterns hoping that will give us better odds? Leaving well enough alone so it eventually will work itself out? Self- delusions!!! I don't sweep my dirt under the rug. That dirt pile will just build and then, all of my frustration and anger will lead me to rebel against all those in my suffocation.
Prefer a breathe of fresh air...
Stagnate is...
Less than lusty...

-Liz

I Am Deeper Than The Surface...

“A spirit too needs fuel” -Ayn Rand

A spirit too needs fuel…

Just think about that…

So simple and so true…

I realize that the void in my life, was just that…

My heart was so full of love…

Yet I was slowly dying somehow…

I was deeply miserable…

Yet, I could not explain it to anyone…

We are each, meant to do something special in life…

Some of us never find what that is…

We attempt to do other things that we hope will keep us content…

Yet, some can go through life satisfied…

Others not so much…

I may not be the most amazing artist…

But, I am an artist nonetheless…

I am not being "myself" if I do not create…

If I do not express…

Whether in a meal…

In a drawing…

In a sculpture…

In a design of a room…

In a photo…

In words…

I am not fulfilling my destiny, if I ignore what I know to be, must be…

Denying myself the ability to be true to myself…

No soul…

No drive…

No passion…

No excitement…

No vision…

No creating…

No art…

I may not be saving the world…

Saving a life…

Doing something globally and positively impactful…

If…I can inspire a handful of people in a positive way…

If…I can touch a heart to feel loved…

If…I can make a soul feel important…

Through my lessons learned…

Through my shared experiences…

Through my own pain…

Than, I will feel fulfilled...

Writing was my healing process…

I am a woman, like any other…

What I’ve experienced, has been experienced before me and will be experienced after me…

Nothing new or different…

Divorce…

A painful experience…

Death of a marriage…

Death of your best friend…

Your lover…

Your mentor…

Your supporter…

Your life…

Two souls that meshed as one…

He comforted me…

Made me better…

A good soul...

Consumed by my love for him…

I lost myself along the way…

Now, I had to find myself again…

By force no less…

Why couldn’t I keep my identity with him?

Why didn’t I have the courage to make better choices?

Why couldn’t I make myself happy?

So I could be content with him…

So I could be happy with the "love", that I was blessed to have in my life…

So here I am, writing…

By accident or by destiny…

Pouring out of me like a running faucet…

Maybe…

Others would not have thought to write, to express their feelings on paper…

Maybe…

Others would be afraid to share the most intimate details…

The most intimate thoughts…

Desires…

Sensations…

Emotions…

Reactions…

But I was not...

I was compelled to do this…

We are more alike then we realize…

Women, that is…

Strong creatures…

We give life…

Nurture…

Fight harder than even men in many ways…

So underestimated in life…

Yet, I found...

That I am more consistently discouraged by others, than I am encouraged to move forward…

No one pushes me forward more than myself…

No one loves me more than myself…

From deep, deep inside my recesses, I somehow find the energy and the drive to take on another day…

Each day…

To be better then I was yesterday…

Love more then I loved yesterday…

Work harder then I did yesterday…

To forgive again and again so I can heal…

So I can understand…

 I can love…

I can create…

I can find happiness…

I can feel fulfilled…

I can be just me…

All I want is to be just me…

You get what you see…

You see what I am…

I am "Me"...

Consumed...

Consumed... By long drawn out periods of silence. Words are very important, but silence can say even more than you can imagine. My secrets, the secret feelings of my heart and mind that is, weighing a heavy burden on my soul. How clandestine will it remain? Depends... affairs of the heart are not easily kept under wraps. My soul, it's only true authority, and acting of its own accord. At times the silence feels secure, wrapping me in a blanket of withdrawal and allowing me to  talk to myself. A worthwhile proposition versus having to explain juicy tidbits from my sensory overload to others. Sounds crazy? No can do... It's just the solitude is greatly nourishing my artistic soul in positive ways.  Nothing wrong with spending quality time with myself, enjoying quiet comfortable surroundings. I urgently and passionately desire to act on the dictates of my emotions rather than reason.  I embrace change without having to look over my shoulder. Occasionally, it taps me and reminds me it's still there, not going anywhere. I grin at my past like a dear old friend, grateful for his company.  I am pulled forward excitedly to new people, new things, new places. My gut reaction cautious, the pace of it all is my true struggle. Rather than sticking out my lower lip like an obstinate little child, I smile and face my new friend...future, his hands strong and re-assuring.

The glimmer in my eye...

The smirk on my face...

Is me being focused...

Consumed...

-Liz

Affection...an erotic memoir

     Affection follows the path of Krissy Kneen's life journey, from the compulsive sexual self-exploration of her childhood to her experiences as a young woman for whom the world is a sexual playground. Brave and honest in her assessment of her own sexual addictions. Bold indeed, comes to mind when I think of Krissy, even in her fear. I admire the raw exposure of inner most feelings, thoughts, and details.  Intimidating and liberating.

     Her story gradual drags you into the deep trenches of her insatiable lust. Her sexual nature battling to be free, even before understanding the meaning of it all. At first feeling light, airy and naive as a young girl protected in the bubble of her squeaky clean world by domineering matriarchal females. Determined to abide by her instinctual need to break away, eventually she does. Thrown a curve ball by life, she struggles but none the less lives in ways most of us never do or have or will.  

     This book stirs all emotions. She is witty, funny, strong, delicate, sassy, smart and beautiful in so many ways. She keeps it real, which allows you to connect. Empathizing and sympathizing with parallel events in your own sexuality. I recommend this book for males and females alike, insightful for all. I enjoyed this book so much, my only regret is that I took so long to read.  I need to prioritize my time better for my love of words.

-Liz

    

Dark Desire...

Dark desire...of a wild fantasy, ruffles my feathers. For sure involving words. Subtle nuances floating on phrases, light as sweet whispers that whisk my ears breezily  and teasingly as lips of my lover. Desire carries me into a world of fantasy with unexpected twists and turns. An expanse where strong sexual feeling and romantic passions are stimulated and fulfilled consistently. Sounds decadent, doesn't it? You may think that all I do is day dream... galloping on the backs of wild horses, untamed and free. Not even a writer has the luxury of that much time, well not in my world anyway. I wonder and try to understand what has gone on, or still goes on in this heart of mine. Sometimes it seems very detached from the blood and guts of a real relationship. Maybe the fantasy should be to allow myself to truly feel, since being numb more often than tingling, is not beneficial. Maybe that will remind me more of what I'm missing or truly needing in my life. Romantic notions flow fluidly into gaps large as oceans between what I desire and what I receive. Yet mystically, when I connect my feelings through a bond with another soul, a sensuality occurs that goes beyond the body and five senses...a heavenly realm. The place that gorges my soul with a crimson carnivorous lust. The surround sound submersing  my mind with mystical music and mood reaching my core. Until... I'm expelled from this expanse, and it all dissolves into a dusty dirge. My hands scraping the dirt for the most miniscule grain of luscious memory I can save. 

Defying...

A deep daze...

Defining...

A deep desire...

-Liz

Bring on the New Year...

You’re my muse…

The music is so intense right now…

All I hear is the base…

It’s running through my veins…

My muscles…

My every inch of body…

Especially my Caramel…

The lights bring it to a whole other dimension, whole other world…

A few drinks have loosened me up…

I can’t stop groovin’ and movin’! …

In my black tight jeans and super high heals, I’m feelin’ so sexy…

My cleavage is exposed and it’s so damn hot, but my nipples are so damn hard…

I’m so horny and she’s sooo moist…

Guys are buying me drinks…

I take them knowing…

They want something…

I’m excited thinking about the possibilities…

I need it…

I want it…

Got to have it! …

I seductively shake my ass while they try to talk to in my ear, but I don’t hear what they’re saying…

It’s too loud in here…

I envision your face…

I'm wondering baby, if we do the unthinkable…

Willing, but do I go with that feeling? …

A reggae song comes on…

He grabs me to the floor and we grind…

And grind…

As I grab his ass, not worried…

I’m feelin’ this song and it’s taking me over…

No longer aware of my surroundings, nor do I care…

I’m sweating and it feels good…

Soooo good! …

He nuzzles my neck and rubs his lips all over…

Your face embedded in my mind…

Your eyes penetrating mine…

I’m feelin’ insane and out of control…

It feels amazing! …

I think of your manhood…

Photo saved in my mind…

Going with the flow…

The beat keeps changing, and so do my moves…

I’m like a different chic with each new song…

Different flic with each new guy…

In New York…

I’m inspired…

I feel alive…

Wishing you we’re here…

But I know…

I’ll see you in the New Year… 

...The Chase

Minding your business

chilling
like an ice cube melting

that...

hangs on to the day
like the lazy hot haze
 

that...

thickly lingers between us

I pass you by

flirtatiously batting my lashes

swiftly you mirror my gaze

that...

I throw 

you react  quickly

dropping  an angle

using words which flow

stirring it up
I know

so slick

sweeping me off my feet

I feel the real deal

your true beat

that...

you are

the fame of the game

yet I still blush

cheeks all shades of pink

you're batting at me

technique swinging

you wink

driving  past third base

digging me

the crazy whip appeal

swaying hips

so free

dancing to your tune

especially choreographed for you

that...

is the flaunt

like the marauder you are

looting for love

taking it all in

you live for the taunt

understanding our energy

that...

this is no cat and mouse tease

suave phat cat

no begging or asking please

down for the chase

you'll go round and round

it's the scenario

body to body

here we go

for the sexy mounds

toe to toe

that...

You know
is worth every ounce

stirring the bounce meter

to...bounce

and....teeter

in your favor

bodacious me

in my favor

ferocious you

determined to catch

for...

the flavor

of my sweet tasty snatch

grooving and moving

to the sexy base

delicious us

luscious batch

that...

is our love chase...

Turn Down The Lights...

Hold them close...

Don't patronize...

Tell them why...

Give them until  then...

Before giving up the fight...

Kiss Off...

Kiss off...

2011, that is! 

My energy is feisty and spirited right now! Okay, well last year wasn't a horrible year. Kiss off to empty space. What do I mean by that? Being single is nice, right? Or is it more just comfortable? Hmm... Suddenly, you feel this attraction, this passion, this desire, this love, this yummy something towards someone. What shall I do? Do I give into it or do I hold on to my space? Because you know, I really need an entire universe of space all to myself, right? Seriously, this may be more difficult than desired. Let's take a step back and think why wouldn't we go for it? Yeah, you noticed the we? Good...Let's continue! Unless of course you like to be in a relationship with yourself. If you want a relationship with someone else, you need to be human. Sometimes it feels like one of us knows what we want, knows how to get it in life and in relationships...while the other, just goes with the flow, whether or not its right for them. To make it through a worm hole, a balance has to be found, and the will to carry through on intentions. On one hand, things can happen by way of harmony and cooperation, or on the other hand, an out and out brutal eruption of conflict. Luck of the cards will allow a bit of both and can make a relationship solidify. I do realize, that I love to be the center of someone's universe. You know what I'm saying? I like to be the one handing out the cookies and deciding how many are going to be eaten!!! Wanna cookie? Lol...What this forces me to acknowledge is, that it's hard to accept when they have other interests that push me towards the bottom of the totem pole.  Liz doesn't like the end of the list, unless it's a to do list I've just finished. Meaning, I have standards and expectations...oh and priorities! We all have activities outside of our relationships, but if your my moon and you light my love... than I best be your sun that heats your passion. Shall we dance in the same galaxy? Though conflict is not pleasurable, it is sometimes necessary and probable that disappointments will happen. The next flight pattern...retreat into quiet objectivity or no emotional social contact? Hmm maybe. Unless a strong sexual drive coerces me into love entanglements, but then again interactions with the opposite sex could be very tense. 

Deal with racing pulses...

In the rising tide of passion...

Lose my ability to keep cool...

Or?

Kiss off...

-Liz  = )

A Gem...

A gem...is what I am. Those who know me well, know I am humble. I do however, know and understand the value. I am hard, maybe tough is a better word. I am soft, maybe sensitive is a better word. The uniqueness and rarity...that is me, adds lustre to my aura and lends value to me as an individual. Most of us don't capitalize on our own potential and allow ambivalence to consume us. Clarity clouded by confusion? Yes, being dense is not something I proud of and yet I keep guiding myself into the thick fog of my loveless heart. Should I take this as a sign that I am still not ready to trust my own heart? When my entire life I've guided myself by my mind? With exception to the day I married my ex and I have no regrets there.  I want to float on the cloud that carries my heart and mind on the same page. Or does cloud nine not really exist? Meaning, my cloud nine is not the love itself but the balanced harmony of my mind and heart. Fate muscles his way into my life with a fiery brawn. Yes, his way, as in male. It keeps me appetizing for a more passionate existence, shaking me up for a foreign, fabulous and seductive personality. The man who wears me will gain strength, fortitude, appreciation, admiration and most importantly love. Maybe my cloud sits on the number six but every cloud has a silver lining right? As it eventually floats higher and the fog dissipates, I will find that which my heart and mind seek. 

A soul with depth and intensity...

A soul with mystery and a sense of magic...

Transparently beautiful for its value...

Like a gem...

-Liz

Crooked Smile...

Crooked smile...mine right now, sometimes it's just so difficult. I can sometimes take myself too seriously, although I have a good sense of humor. Especially when I'm passionate about someone or something. I give a damn, so damn me for giving a shit!!! That passion, I would never give up for the world! It drives me to be me, vocal and expressive. When I keep it in, I do myself an injustice because I create more distress over a sense of disharmony. Before I got divorce, I took a lot of things for granted. I was never inclined to avoid serious discussions or have necessary disagreements, regardless of the impact it may have had. I'm not a fearful person in that sense, I like to keep it real. Honesty or sharing of feelings is never meant to be hurtful. Feedback is a gift, whether we want to hear it or not, whether we want to say it or not. Anyone connected with me always knew where I stood on topics or where they stood in my life. My emotional responses now, are deeper and more intense. Provoked by my emanate regret of past failures I look to avoid repeating. My hibernating heap of a love life, more in tune as a comedic skit only threatens to poke fun of the shortcomings of men, women and our attempts at loving passion. What I have learned, is to see the funny side of things. The alignment of my thoughts like a rigid balance beam, while my feelings are pounded by the relentless determination to control the flips. Hysterically, surrendering to the humor of it all, somehow makes it seem funnier. The joke is, we're the comedians. Writing our own skits and lame punchlines, when it's as simple as eliminating something from your life, like stale attitudes or stymied behaviors. So what else can one really do except laugh and realize it's not so bad after all, it can be resuscitated. I'd rather laugh than cry, achingly hard.

The laugh will spark smiles...

The smile will lighten things up...

Anytime is a good time to lighten up...

Even if it's with a crooked smile...

-Liz  = )

Walk Before You Run...

Walk before you run...Yes, what a concept huh? As much as most of us look to run before we walk. Sometimes slow and steady gets you there best. Fully loaded and ready to rock and roll with positive energy, my walk feels leisurely to me, even though I'm hustling. Probably because my mind is driving fast and I skipped the running part. Impatient and impulsive me knows from experience that nothing is gained from rushing things, but it still doesn't get any easier waiting. Eyes wide open, I'm going to find those doors that will capture the opportunity for second chances in my life to make things right... in all aspects. I just have one life to live and I'll be damned if it's not what I want it to be. The future has got my full attention. Will cosmic forces create special conditions for me? By some peculiar stroke of destiny will outcomes fall into place? I like to think that we create our own conditions and thus uncover those things that we would otherwise not see, because we're running.
Slow down...
Walk before you run...
Control each turn...
Choose to rule nothing either in or out...

-Liz

Pure Childlike Wonder...

Pure childlike wonder...natural innocence and simplicity.  You see, during this time in my life, I am re-thinking my approach to love and dating. Rather than employ my usual  sophisticated attitude, where I royally decree whether or not someone is a suitable mate, I opt for the childlike wonder of it all. That look in your eyes when you see someone you are drawn to and practically skip over to them in pure contentment, showing them your sweet sassy playful side. Like honey you draw them into giving you all the attention you crave and desire. Their taste buds consuming more sweetness than they bargained for and a sugar high they don't want to come down from. Willingly they oblige, knowing full well the sting is worth the honey this queen bee may be inclined to put out. Developing friendships and love relationships openly warm, affectionate, responsive and out of character. Meaning, I'm not looking to cooperate or coordinate any efforts at this time. I'm inclined to be aggressive if I don't get my way. So maybe avoidance is a good thing at the moment. Tripping my trigger to think and act with caution and wisdom. No can do! Take a deep breath, breathe fresh air and release the stuffy spell and smell of staleness. I want to embrace my energy and enjoy the adventure of loving and passion. Even if it means I jump over revealing secrets and private matters. Bypassing the depth, that sucks us into it's dark mundane fear of letting go.
I choose to see it through the simple eyes of innocence...
So that I can believe again...
With pure childlike wonder...
Emerging bold and with no limits...

-Liz

I look away from your gaze

 

"I look away from your gaze
for you do not need to look into my eyes
a hint of a smile revealing what my soul feels
allowing you to see what I cannot explain
other than knowing your lust has awoken my heart
deliciously piercing my hunger for your passion"...
-Liz Sanquiche