“A spirit too needs fuel” -Ayn Rand
A spirit too needs fuel…
Just think about that…
So simple and so true…
I realize that the void in my life, was just that…
My heart was so full of love…
Yet I was slowly dying somehow…
I was deeply miserable…
Yet, I could not explain it to anyone…
We are each, meant to do something special in life…
Some of us never find what that is…
We attempt to do other things that we hope will keep us content…
Yet, some can go through life satisfied…
Others not so much…
I may not be the most amazing artist…
But, I am an artist nonetheless…
I am not being "myself" if I do not create…
If I do not express…
Whether in a meal…
In a drawing…
In a sculpture…
In a design of a room…
In a photo…
In words…
I am not fulfilling my destiny, if I ignore what I know to be, must be…
Denying myself the ability to be true to myself…
No soul…
No drive…
No passion…
No excitement…
No vision…
No creating…
No art…
I may not be saving the world…
Saving a life…
Doing something globally and positively impactful…
If…I can inspire a handful of people in a positive way…
If…I can touch a heart to feel loved…
If…I can make a soul feel important…
Through my lessons learned…
Through my shared experiences…
Through my own pain…
Than, I will feel fulfilled...
Writing was my healing process…
I am a woman, like any other…
What I’ve experienced, has been experienced before me and will be experienced after me…
Nothing new or different…
Divorce…
A painful experience…
Death of a marriage…
Death of your best friend…
Your lover…
Your mentor…
Your supporter…
Your life…
Two souls that meshed as one…
He comforted me…
Made me better…
A good soul...
Consumed by my love for him…
I lost myself along the way…
Now, I had to find myself again…
By force no less…
Why couldn’t I keep my identity with him?
Why didn’t I have the courage to make better choices?
Why couldn’t I make myself happy?
So I could be content with him…
So I could be happy with the "love", that I was blessed to have in my life…
So here I am, writing…
By accident or by destiny…
Pouring out of me like a running faucet…
Maybe…
Others would not have thought to write, to express their feelings on paper…
Maybe…
Others would be afraid to share the most intimate details…
The most intimate thoughts…
Desires…
Sensations…
Emotions…
Reactions…
But I was not...
I was compelled to do this…
We are more alike then we realize…
Women, that is…
Strong creatures…
We give life…
Nurture…
Fight harder than even men in many ways…
So underestimated in life…
Yet, I found...
That I am more consistently discouraged by others, than I am encouraged to move forward…
No one pushes me forward more than myself…
No one loves me more than myself…
From deep, deep inside my recesses, I somehow find the energy and the drive to take on another day…
Each day…
To be better then I was yesterday…
Love more then I loved yesterday…
Work harder then I did yesterday…
To forgive again and again so I can heal…
So I can understand…
I can love…
I can create…
I can find happiness…
I can feel fulfilled…
I can be just me…
All I want is to be just me…
You get what you see…
You see what I am…
I am "Me"...
