Wild Child

Wild Child

Friday, February 25, 2011

I am Deeper then the Surface... Part 1

First, I have to mention a favorite quote of mine that comes from a song by Alicia Keys…

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to bloom…that is the Element of Freedom”

The reason why I love this quote as it pertains to my life is that I have lived my entire life to date fulfilling the needs and obligations of others. Granted I did it out of love, out of the need to nurture which is innate in me, out of happiness, out of desire to please others but mostly because it came from my heart. My heart is as deep as any ocean, and as complex as the eco-system, which thrives in it. While I have fulfilled and experienced many wonderful things in life and have been blessed with much fortune of a non-monetary nature, there is so much I have yet to learn, experience and grow as a person.

I am that Bud, an untapped resource of talent, imagination, energy and emotion. I found this out at the lowest point in my life. On the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown, fighting a depression, trying to hold together a marriage which was on the verge of falling apart, all of these things which I was unaware that I was experiencing. All I knew was that I was trying to keep afloat keeping my head above the water. I felt like I was drowning and slowly dying on the inside. I couldn’t understand why and all I did know was that I was a thinker…I thought and thought and thought. Many would say that I overthought things and overanalyzed things, which I knew to be true although I never shared that knowledge. What I also knew was that it would be to my detriment and already had been damaging me for years. All I knew was that I was a lover; I loved so deeply that it hurt my being. It hurt and destroyed me. It took a woman of substance and broke down the foundation that made me strong, fearless, relentless, passionate, loving, creative, imaginative, feisty, obnoxious, funny, silly and so much more. In my life I have been given many nicknames. I believe as a result of my distinct personality. For some reason I cannot go through a segment in my life where someone doesn’t attach a nick-name to me, as a result one of my most well known nick-names is Brikhaus…pronounced brick house. Yes, like the song. Yes, because of my curves. Yes, because I am all woman and all that it entails. The point of bringing up the nickname is that this Brikhaus crumbled one brick at a time. I may have even done some brick tossing, created some brick flying and thus created a storm that brought down, broke down this woman to a mere pile of mush haranguing at the slightest provocation.

And so…
I am in the midst of a metamorphosis… spiritually, emotionally and mentally.
I am at a turning point in my life… losing myself and finding myself at the same time.
I am nurturing my creative side… finding new passions in sculpting, writing, painting and photography.
I am evolving into the person I was meant to be…a beautiful butterfly free to wander, experience and explore the world as she was meant to see it.
I am sharing me, myself and I…to be seen by the world as she was meant to be seen, real, raw and true to my being.
All of these… equal the complex whole of me, I am my own Element and this is my Freedom.

No comments:

Post a Comment