Trivial Pursuits...

    Trivial- the opposite of serious. Most of us take our feelings very serious, very personally no doubt. Most of those in our lives that give a damn about us do as well, even if they seem oblivious. Well oblivious is a strong word, let's say aloof. Emotional seriousness is our way to protect the livelihood of our hearts. I've never been called aloof. I realize that it is very probable I am or have been towards others if I'm not in tune to their feelings. My forte has always been the ability to be open and honest in sharing feelings, concerns and interests. I'm pretty intuitive and at times don't address topics because I choose not to, because I have the answers to the questions I already seek even if I don't let them know I understand these things. I've learned through lessons that we must allow individuals to move at their own pace. Their pace may not be in line with ours, but the repercussions of that they'll have to live with- no? Quite honestly, I don't know how much more honest I can be. I don't know how much more direct I can be. I am an open book, I wear my heart on my sleeve to those I let in to my private world.
     I'm having another epiphany. I've been afforded a second lease on life. While some of you view me and think- she's taking advantage of her new found freedom, her new found passion, and her newly found world I can tell you that I still have opportunity to spread my wings.  A woman's pursuits are the same as any man's. We want independence, financial stability, follow our passions, find love and for some of us raise families. I wanted it all! Why not? I am not defined by just being a mother and a wife. Are you as a man?  I had all of those things except the one passion I never followed, which was my creativity. The most critical component of my soul and being. In retrospect, probably the main reason why my life eventually fell apart.
    Pursuits- what I see is, that what drives others does not drive me. I had what I call the "piece of the pie"- the husband, the smart children, the beautiful home, family, a solid career, and my health. I had what most seek. All of those things are gone- except my health, my talents and my children. What I do have, what I have gained- is me. The amazing terrific me that continues to evolve. Bittersweet no doubt! I still have the rest of my life ahead of me. Like a baby I'm crawling. Soon I'll walk confidently and securely. As the fast learner that I am, I'll be sprinting! Yet, it is not going to be what I imagined it to be. Maybe what I imagined, was possibly not even close to what it was meant to be- what my path shall be.
    What I'm trying to get at is that we need to live in the moment, make the best of each day. I am driven to find happiness, whatever that means to me. This "new concept" which I still have to define. I do know it doesn't look like me waiting- on anything. I no longer can live each day hoping to fill the void. Waiting for someone to fill that love. Waiting to express my passions. To taste, smell and touch life! When you reach your goals, you will find she had to move on to fill the yin to someone else's yang. Regardless of what our hearts desires are... What longings will fill us to the brim of contentment... We must realize that nothing is more important than living in the now. Appreciating what you have in your life, your loved ones- the real purpose of any fulfillment. Let there be no doubt of this!

For everything else...
That you tangibly pursue...
It truly a trivial pursuit...

-Liz