Darkest Before Dawn...

Darkest before dawn...the deep black of the night you fear the most. The fear that grips you tight and makes you feel like your emotions are going to burst from anticipation. The "I can't hold on any longer when is this going to end?" type of sentiment. You know it, you've felt it, we all have...it's called desperation. The end of the rope feeling where you just for once want to let go and spiral down wherever it takes you, anywhere is better than what you feel is necessary to hold on. I don't refer to holding on to past love but in fact holding on to self...to rebuild self.  In all honesty, my biggest struggle is committing to  people I cherish,  my friends. Where do you start? When most of your life you've invested trust with a person you were fully committed to? That you lost yourself in them out of pure love? That even the smallest requests or demands from your friends feel like a vice grip on my head and heart. I'm excavating here, how much deeper before I find this crucial cache? The only way to relieve the pressure is to push them away. Ironically you need them more than ever. As I see it now, a divorce is really a rebirth. Spit out by turbo jets of a hot swirling jacuzzi of turmoil-ed emotions. And...crawling is required before walking. You take those baby steps and the further you go, the more excited you get about where you're headed. This is self awareness, baring my soul in tangible black and white, allowing me to heal. When I started this blog my hopes were to connect with others. My hopes were to inspire others. My hopes were to share my pain. My hopes were to share my art. To share my love of writing. To share of myself. To show you... I am a reflection of you, as you are of me. That we are the same, even in our differences, even in our unparallelled lives that may never directly connect. Except maybe in the deep black of the night, when you've decided it's easier to crawl because the energy has flowed out of the strongest part of your body...your HEART. If you take another baby step and reach your arms out. 

You will see through the obscurity...

You will feel all the hands reaching for you...

You will sense the onset of glowing rays...

When you're past the part, darkest before dawn...

-Liz