Strike Out...

     Strike out...freezing you out, distancing yourselves from each other. Not quite sure how to interpret a less than lack luster sunny disposition? Then your inner heat just builds a fiery anger against a deep freeze, the coldest of shoulders. Not the first time for me to feel a little fear, a little sadness and a lot of confusion. When the passion goes missing, when reaching out stops, when I love you's are no longer said...the realization sinks in that a change must happen and makes you feel more uncomfortable, clueless even. You try to put it off because you know the change must happen. Beware of what you ask for? No doubt, which means I'm sending mixed signals but then, that means I'm receiving mixed signals as well. The weight of my mind and in my heart prompts interesting questions and will always provoke serious answers. This is when I'm reminded how important space is, as well as give and take in relationships. When people are less than forthcoming, do we not take it seriously? Do I need to remind them or be reminded of each others presence? Not likely. Maybe, looking for some peace? Maybe, searching deep within ourselves for answers to certain all-encompassing questions? Who isn't? Yet, you constantly find yourself thinking something is missing or feeling that you're not included.
      It's almost been 3 years for me since my Ex and I broke off. I'd be lying to you if I said I had my shit together, or even let you perceive that. I'm struggling here, trying to embrace the single life, trying to start over from scratch, with zero. I've had it all, what most are looking for. I want it again but differently, better. How do I feel about it? A-Z, I've felt it all! I'm sure I'm still on repeat too! BUT...there's no self pity here, it lived here for a minute and I kicked it out on it's ass. I have standards, expectations and I will not settle for less. I can bend, flex and compromise better than anyone. Oh, and sacrifice? Ms. Sacrifice to you! I've been there and done that, but it doesn't come without a price. I despise dating, its doesn't feel real or natural. I'm not a package and I'm not looking for a package. I rather develop friendships that could build to something better. That's the real deal and that's what works. Teetering, rocking, rolling, roller coasting...I'm done, I'm ready to vomit all the negative feelings in the pit of my stomach. I can't hold on to that anymore. I'm a positive but realistic person by nature. I've always embraced change easily. I choose to surround myself with people and like mindsets. To fight for what you believe in. To speak up and be honest, no matter how deep the fear resides. To take risks, because if you don't...you deserve nothing.
You will not reap what you don't sow...
Strike out...
3? Not in my book, you're lucky if you get 2...
Yourrrrrr Out! ...

-Liz