New Leaf...

So, almost two years ago I decided to turn over a new leaf. Drastic times, call for drastic measures.

Subconsciously I knew I was unhappy, for a long time. At some point it traveled to my conscious...upfront and straight forward. Waving its white flag at me and yelling, "Hey over here, don't you see me? I know you see me, stop ignoring me! You know perfectly well what needs to happen, let's do this already." Denial thought it would pass, whatever this is...that weird unnatural, unhappy and unpleasant place and space I let myself live in, be in...exist in. Swallowing that bitterness was no easy feat and I still savor the aftertaste. As assertive as I am as an individual, I was so damn scared of the unknown. How was I to move forward and be prepared for what's coming, if I didn't know what's coming? I mean...I was always about being prepared...Proper preparation prevents poor performance... game plans, checklists and followup. To be honest, I couldn't wrap myself around anything, anyone or any concept... except my misery, my misunderstanding and my errors. Everyday did not become easier for me...I couldn't even tell you when it did. The fog eventually lifted though. I had no choice but to be open to new things, new people and a new life. Things that the old Liz would never do or even consider, is not how the new Liz moves and grooves. Why does it take hardship to kick us in the ass and say, "WTF? Get your head out of your ass!" We are such creatures of habit and anything besides our routine and our knowledge is just uncomfortable. It's still is a bit scary for me...but I seek answers where I can, I seek support if need be, but most of all...I seek to be me, as I should be, as I am meant to be. You know what I really see? That what I am today, I will not be tomorrow. The sweet breeze carries me effortlessly and guides me where I need to go. It dances and twirls me so that I can feel the rhythm of life and intermingle with others. It's not that complicated...life. We are the ones, that are complicated and make it complicated. Like the seasons...we need to change and adapt. When you don't...you will wither away like dried foliage and decompose into the nothingness, that will be your degradation and your tomb...

Turn over...

It's your turn...

-Liz